This arrives from my personal observations over the past 18 years working with small children, input and suggestions from colleagues and elders and what appears to help children and their caregivers during this milestone time.
- CONSISTENCY & PATIENCE: Whatever route you choose making sure that you are constant is key. This can be grueling and feel on the edge of uncomfortable at times but crucial to the success of your child learning (this is where the word "training" comes into play!) to use the toilet and having trust to do so. Once your child is clear that the toilet is where he/she is to go when the body needs to release then the repeated caregiver request to "try" every 30 minutes lessens and becomes a routine/a human pattern for the child. And Please Remember: Like every human experience, children dip in and out of needing help with toilet reminders as they experience any changes in their physical and cognitive growth spurts which can be triggers.
- TIMERS: To reinforce consistency, get a timer you and your child can view/hear for the every 30-40 minute reminder.
- REMOVE DIAPERS: Introduce to your child that this is a special time and diapers during the day are not necessary any longer. For sleep substitute using a diaper for a pull-up. This will be handy as your child grows and maybe continues to wet the bed at night (PLEASE REMEMBER: wetting at night is also a long process, sometimes for some years and is very normal). If you have an overstock of diapers, consider this a wonderful Food Bank donation!
- FUN UNDERWEAR: Make a ritual out of this special time and go shopping for underwear your child can pick out. As part of your introduction to underwear explain that these are to keep dry and sharing that you too learned how to keep your underwear (like the ones you wear to this day) dry. "And if you accidentally wet your new underwear, that is OK. It is part of learning. Lets just make sure that while you are learning I am here to help you remember to "try" using the toilet, letting it all out so there will not be very many accidents. And we can wash them no problem!" A great cause and effect of underwear is that if your child accidentally pees or poops in the underwear there is an immediate need to clean ones self and get fresh underwear. Please take note: This is the part that can be cumbersome as he/she learns is the additional laundry. Just keep positive and patient and remember this is part of the process and we all went through it! Be empathetic to his/her process instead of your own. Having children help with the laundry can also connect them further with understanding the process (wash, dry, fold and put away) as well as more vested interest in home care.
- USE THE TOILET IN PUBLIC PLACES: Grocery store, ferry boat, department stores, restaurants, etc. This is a nice introduction that everyone on this earth who has the physical ability learns to use the toilet and that there are designated places to use the toilet.
- READ AND WATCH CHILDREN'S BOOKS/VIDEOS ON TOILET USE: There are fantastic children's books and videos at your local library.
- POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT: In the beginning of toilet transitioning sometimes parents use a special treat (stickers, jelly beans, etc.) given to the child after he/she uses the toilet. What I have found is that the treat is used for a very short time and the child soon transitions to simply using the toilet instead of seeking the treat. The treat acts as a introduction to safety and is humorously the "training" in the equation.
- PEER HELP: With adult supervision during play-dates, ask guardians if OK if children use the bathroom together. We humans are social and learn from the acts of those around us and kids LOVE to hangout and learn from one another!
- UNDERWEAR DURING THE DAY/PULL-UPS FOR NAPS AND NIGHT
- ACCEPT MESS & MORE STEPS: welcome to being human right?!
- OBSERVE: over the years I have witnessed and held space for some families who have children with bowel challenge and sometimes with-holding of bowel movements. This can be painful for all involved and something to definitely seek help when you need it. If you observe your child in great pain and fear approaching pooping in the toilet, be very calm and patient and seek counsel from your health-care provider. Documenting diet, what leads up to, etc. can be very helpful.
- LIFE IS EASIER WHEN YOU BEGIN USING THE TOILET! Please remember that a good portion of the time children disagree with using the toilet is because he/she do not want to stop playing what he/she is playing! I like sharing with children how much easier life is using the toilet (peers like sharing this too) and thus, way more fun! That always gets a smile.
You all are doing a fantastic job raising such lovely people. Truly.
Have fun with this, keep laughing and know it will happen!!! And summer is truly the time to begin introductions!
